Unexpected Side Effects to Organic Diets

I’m sure you have heard all the pros and cons already about eating organic. But nobody ever tells you about the unexpected things that come out of subsisting on a mostly-organic diet. I think once you weigh in these additional side effects, you will agree with me that everyone should live on an organic diet for at least six months.

Here’s why:

You will make your doctor happy by eating more fruits and vegetables because: HOLY FISH, $10 for a pound of organic grass-fed ground beef at the grocery store??

Then you will do a rough tally of how much you are spending on fruits and vegetables at the grocery store and decide that gardening is a fantastic hobby. Your doctor will take credit for inspiring your lifestyle change.

You may concede that, in fact, that you’ve been eating too much at every meal anyway and lose some weight. The doc may start whining that you’re going to put him out of a job.

You may investigate your city’s policy on urban chickens and feel an urge to get more involved in local politics.

You will become a die-hard local food addict and know all your farming neighbours because you shop around for better prices than at the grocer with all the fervor of a flyer shopper.

You will become the master of stretching a buck and have a freezer full of organic vegetable peels and heels of organic bread. You will know no less than seven things you can make with these two bags of items. You expect awe and worship for your l33t frugal skillz.

When your friends invite you over and serve a rotisserie chicken that they picked up, you may end up taking home the carcass in a Ziploc bag. They were going to throw it out, and the thought of throwing out three days’ worth of potential chicken soup gives you PTSD.

You might have Googled what can be done with the pulp from your juicer. You might have even tried making those vegetable pulp crackers and carrot muffins.

You may start telling your own dinner guests who leave lots of food on their plate that there are children starving in Africa. It’s more socially acceptable than passive-aggressively asking them why don’t they just flush your money down the toilet.

You will become an outspoken advocate against commercial and household food waste. Indeed, you will be able to summon tears for the camera just thinking about the time that those organic strawberries got hidden in the back of the fridge and grew moldy.

Speaking of which, you may be saving your city a small fortune by being in direct competition with their green cart program.

And lastly, you may be on a first name basis with the guy who orders bulk goods at the hippy grocer and know when to call by so you don’t miss his weekly orders. If you’re a SAHM, you may even get back into the habit of putting on makeup when you leave the house so that you can flirt with him for discounts.