It all began with herb and spice bags.
I’m sure you know which ones I’m talking about. The semi-bulk bags you get from the grocery store? If you have only three, they’re no big deal. When you have five of them, they start becoming a nuisance. When you become a food blogger, they breed like viruses, start becoming self-aware, and begin to plot world domination.
When I was heavily pregnant with DS, DH and I watched “Chef at Home” like our lives depended on it. And while I coveted his ginormous TV pantry, which was approximately the same size as my kitchen at the time, I scoffed at all the things in the mason jars as a cutesy waste of space. You see, when you’re an extremely busy, 9 month pregnant working lady with an apartment kitchen, you become a gourmet chef using just the ol S&P, garlic powder, and Italian seasoning.
Fast forward 5 years, a food blog, and a near-death-experience by avalanche of herb baggies (where I relived a full season of Chef at Home’s pantry flashing before my eyes instead of my life). Chef Michael Smith is a FRICKIN’ GENIUS.
Or so I thought.
So nobody else goes through this grief unawares… THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DECIDE TO BE LIKE MICHAEL SMITH.
Yes. Your kitchen spontaneously kersplodes.
It starts small. First it’s, “I hate these frigging baggies. I know! I am going to do like Michael Smith. It makes sense. I’m a food blogger. It’ll be way easier for me to measure out herbs from a mason jar than a bag anyway!”
Then you’re like, “Gee these jars take up more room. My little mini side cabinet isn’t going to cut it any more. I know! They’re so cute now in jars, I’m going to put them in my corner display cabinet where all my nice pottery is currently sitting. I should move that pottery into my empty hutch sitting in the dining room anyway!”
Then you’re in the dining room, and you think, “Gee, I should find room for all this bake-ware while I’m at it, cause I’ve been lazy and left it on the dining room table, which is currently doubling as my photo studio. I’m having guests over next week anyway. I know! I’ll put it in that one drawer next to my fridge that can’t hold a lot of weight, which is currently only holding stale marshmallows and a bunch of boxes of tea.”
Then you’re like, “I know! If I’m putting my herbs in this nice display thing, I should put some of my other things like shredded coconut and stuff from my pantry too…”
The next thing you know, it’s four hours later on K-day and you’re in full shell-shock, wandering around the kitchen holding an old wooden spoon like it’s a severed limb. There’s a santa hat sitting on your chair and you had no idea that there were so many Lego men taking up residence in your lesser-used drawers. And even though you don’t like the taste of rum, the leftover Christmas bottle you rescued from behind the microwave is starting to croon to you like Ol’ Blue Eyes.
You realize that you’re in deep doo-doo and you whine about it to your friends on Facebook (who promptly tell you: #blogpost).
Your five year old comes home from school on the bus and lectures you when he gets a load of the kitchen. “Mommy!” he takes a deep breath and shakes his head disgustedly. “You made a HUGE mess.”
“I KNOW,” you say, somewhat ironically because these are the words of wisdom that got you in trouble all day. But what you don’t know is how you’re going to explain to your husband why you’re eating take-out on the couch tonight.
Sure enough, he gets home, takes one look and says “What the hell happened here?”
“It’s Chef Michael Smith’s fault,” you tell him. And then you make yourself very busy ordering pizza.
Sorry, Chef.
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Update (24 hours later): (he ain’t even mad. Cheers, Chef! You’re cool. And I loved Chef at Home.)
Yippeee – I got a secret shout out #blogpost. See, I was right!
LOL – Too funny. Also, this is why take out is considered “simplified living” 🙂
This is whay I can’t get organized. One thing begats another and then I’m passed out in a pool of expired vinegar and cute push pins.
I hear you… herbs in jars blew up into the sort of full fledged spring cleaning that has you using a toothbrush on the grout and most of the contents of my pantry and cupboards on the floor. I’m trying to maintain my will to live. My kitchen is about 80% still wrecked. But my corner cabinet now looks *fabulous!*
You should invest in a nice spice rack that holds all of your spices neatly. My mom had one that hung on the wall and it was nice to be able to find what you needed quickly. Of course she labeled each of them too. They weren’t as big as mason jars but they worked.
I used to have one of those. The only downside was that the little bottles didn’t hold a lot, and it was hard to get measuring spoons into them!
omg, I so get this. I have coveted his pantry for years and have started slowly switching over to mason jars (it really is brilliant) and lo and behold…. it’s causing a reorganization of my whole house…. which is actually decluttering…. which is good….. but still I really do want that pantry.
When we had our house built I insisted on a giant pantry just like Chef Michael had in his show Chef at Home. I now have everything in Mason jars, bought a Dymo label maker and all the jars are labeled. Just love it.
Baaahahahahahaaa. Maybe Mista Smith should pimp himself just this once, for a Extreme Makeover, Kitchen Edition?? I think his message was a bit, uh, lost in translation? 😉 xxx+o
And I was going to organize my pantry (aka Ikea Billy bookcase) today!! Have you had a chance to see Chef Michael’s new show…..Chef Michael’s Kitchen?? If not, don’t look! You will want a knife block to end all knife blocks!! Which will involve a total redo of the kitchen and the installation of a bay window! But, on the other hand, my husband does need another project!!
Haha, it’s probably a good thing I gave up cable tv then!
You never cease (sieze? … i dont know) to crack me up. You’re a great story teller!
Cease. You had it right! 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed it. 😉
I have all those little spice jars from Ikea, they are lovely, but they don’t hold all that much. I have 4 jars assigned to regular chili, 4 for hot chili, you get the point. I would switch over to mason jars but my husband would kill me since I made him buy all the little jars. Thankfully I am organized, so everything is very neat and clean.
Hysterical! I have to confess my whole pantry and fridge is mason jars. I absolutely love them. They do take up more room, but I’m so much more organized now than ever before. Chef Michael Smith is very cool right? 😉
Very cool. Also, very tall!
Girl, I need to show you a picture of how my kitchen kersploded on Thanksgiving two years ago. It completely reminds me of these pictures. Sister from another mister!
Too funny! And sooo true 🙂
It’s even worse when the baggies are interspersed with McCormick spice bottles and ClubHouse tins and BulkBarn bags AND your own spice bottles purchases in an effort to organize it all! … Ughhh! Glad Chef Michael does hold a grudge 🙂
OMG! Too funny!