Lately, kidlet has been wearing two pairs of underwear at every opportunity. I can tell, because he also runs around in just his underwear at every opportunity, usually with his arms jammed down the leg-holes of the superfluous pair (don’t ask, I don’t know, but at LEAST it’s through the superfluous pair).
Incidentally, this has required me to ban a family member from the kitchen because of lack of pants. I’m thinking of putting up a sign outside the door: No pants, no service.
Fortunately this duplication of underpants causes no laundry crises, because unlike my husband, my kid has about 2,376 pairs of underwear (I bought exactly one package of six and somehow they multiplied like rabbits), and if they are all washed at the same time, they won’t fit in the drawer. Heck, they might not fit in the dresser. So it’s kind of a small blessing in disguise, because it saves me the awkward scenario of having to find alternative underwear arrangements. I’m just telling you… when you’re a parent, you’ve seen it all, and it’s no wonder that so many comedians are parents, because the fodder is endless.
Why? Why does he wear two pairs of underpants? I have no frippin’ idea, because every time I ask him why he’s wearing two pairs of underwear, he gives me a different reason.
So allow me to share with you some of the kid logic behind why he is wearing two pairs of underwear:
- Because I want to wear both Superman and Spider Man.
- Because you gave me plain underwear, and my shirt is Star Wars, so I got the Star Wars underwear so I match.
- Just in case. (?!)
- Because it is warmer.
- Because I like to!
- Because you told me I should put clean underwear on every day. (…)
- More padding on my bum bum.
- I don’t know.
“I don’t know”?
Well, kid, that makes two of us. Maybe you should wear a tinfoil hat?